Tundraco's Daily Living Guide to Raising Kids When You and Your Care Giver Clash

Conflicts with your child care provider can be disruptive, for you and your child. Some problems can be corrected. Others, especially if they impinge upon the safety of your child, may call for an immediate change in the person providing care for your child.

The number one thing to remember is; never fight or argue with anyone in the presence of your child. If you need to discuss problems with your child care provider, try to arrange a conference when children will not be present.

• Remain calm.
• If you have safety concerns about the location, but otherwise like the services provided by your care giver. Remove your child immediately and explain your concerns to the care provider. Let them know that this is only a temporary measure, and once your safety concerns are addressed, you will return your child to their care.
• If you suspect that your child has been abused or otherwise intentionally harmed. Remove your child at once. If you feel it warranted, call the police or a child welfare agency, but do not confront the provider directly. In such cases, it is very hard to maintain a cool head.
• If your only problem is a personality conflict with the provider, see if you can arrange for someone else to pick up, and drop off, the child so that you do not have to deal directly with them.
• To solve money conflicts, make sure, from the very beginning that everything is in writing. If money problems to arise, you will have a common ground on which to resolve them.
• If your care provider has an emergency and cannot care for your child on a given day, be considerate. This may cause you an enormous inconvenience, but remember that child care providers are human. If, on the other hand, they are routinely unreliable, seek another care giver.

Don't make it worse by being argumentative and accusatory.

• State your concerns clearly and concisely.
• Offer suggestions for correction.
• Work together to come to a solution.
• Don't expect an instant fix. Give the care giver a chance to implement the changes you agreed upon. If this doesn't fix the problem, try another solution.

Always consider what is in the best interest of the child.

• Change can be very stressful to young children.
• Maintaining the same provider can help provide your child with a sense of continuity.
• Your child may not understand what is going on and may become distressed by the situation. If they have bonded with the provider, they may go through separation anxiety if removed from their care.
• It might go against your grain to try to work things out with the care provider, especially if the conflicts are due to warring personalities, but do try.

• The problems do not relate directly to the care provided, such as money concerns.
• You trust the care giver.
• The provider offers quality care and provides a nurturing environment for your child.
• There is a low child/provider ratio.
• Your child likes the provider and seems to thrive under their care.

Some conflicts which will arise with your child care provider are nonnegotiable. Even if it means losing your job because you cannot go to work, you should immediately remove your child from any situation which might adversely affect its health or safety, including

• Neglect
• Unsafe or unsanitary conditions that pose an immediate danger
• Physcial or mental abuse

When you initially engage a provider, take the time to sit down and discuss how you want your child cared for and what forms of discipline are acceptable to you. In general, make sure that the care giver knows exactly what you expect of them. Do you expect them to merely 'sit'? Or do you expect that them to read and play with your child?

• By starting out with a mutually understood standard of care, the potential of conflicts will be minimized.

• If you and the care giver maintain an open line of communication and work together to provide the best environment possible for the child, any conflicts that do arise will be easily resolved.