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Tundraco's Daily Living Guide to Raising Kids
Getting Siblings to Get Along
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Getting Siblings to Get Along
By Rochelle Caviness
Sibling rivalry is a fact of life when you have two or more children. When you have a new baby, this can be a major concern. While you may not be able to prevent the rivalry from arising, there are steps that you can take that will help the siblings to get along together.
- When a baby is born, older children may feel that they are no longer wanted or needed. By taking the time to reassure your older kids that you still love them, you can help ensure that the older kids will accept the new youngster - with a minimum of fuss.
Before the Birth
Before the new baby is even born, start to forge a relationship between the baby and the siblings to be. Make the older siblings feel a part of the birth process by helping you choose decorations or toys for the nursery, let them feel the baby moving, and explain to them what is going to happen when the birth becomes imminent.
- Consider letting your older kids take a sibling's class. This class will help them learn what to expect after the birth, and teaches them a little about how they can help out.
After the Birth
When the baby is 'new', the older siblings are more likely to be in wonder of the new addition than at odds with him. Let the older kids hold the new baby and help out with any baby related chore they want - under supervision of course. This will help them form a strong sibling bond and will make them feel a sense of responsibility toward their new sibling.
- Make some time each day to give each of your children your undivided attention.
The Crawling Stage
The initial euphoria over the birth of a new brother or sister often begins to dissipate after the baby begins to crawl and starts getting into the older siblings 'stuff'. Older kids should be monitored to make sure that they do not push or hit the baby when it gets in their way. By taking the time to explain how a baby should be treated, the older kids will learn to be understanding and forgiving of the baby's actions.
- Often giving the older kids a sense of responsibility for the care and safety of a baby will give them a sense of maturity. This will help them treat the baby as a baby, rather than as a compatriot.
- Talk to the older siblings about the baby. If problems are arising over certain toys or areas, ask them how they would handle the situation. If practical, follow their suggestions so that they feel that they have an important role within the family.
Dealing with Jealousy
Most major sibling conflicts will tend to surround issues of jealousy, rather than any other cause. After all, it may appear to them as if the new baby is getting all the attention. As well, an older toddler may have had to move out of their crib or nursery in order to make room for the baby, the baby may be wearing their old clothes, or worst of all, playing with their toys.
- While it may be impossible to prevent all occurrences of jealously, you can help the siblings adjust to each other by letting the older sibling take a hand in the decision-making processes. When you are dressing the baby, ask the older siblings what they think the baby might like to wear. When you are feeding them, ask them to pick out a food and, if they'd like, to feed the baby. The more involved the older siblings are in the care of "their" new baby, the less likely they are to resent the new addition.
Seeking Professional Help
When a new baby arrives, it is not unusual for older kids to act out by throwing tantrums or by wetting the bed. These are often transient actions brought about by a sense of fear and uncertainty surrounding how the new baby will impact their life. However, if the older siblings act out violently toward the baby and you are unable to correct their behavior, or if their acting out does not ease over time, it is wise to seek professional counseling for you and the child. A counselor will help identify why the child is acting out the way he is, and can help control his actions. The counselor will also offer suggestions on how you can help the siblings get along better with each other.