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Just because you want to have a baby, doesn't mean that it will be easy…

The period between deciding that you want to have a baby and actually 'having' one, can be a long and difficult one, both emotionally and physically.

• If you, as a couple, are having problems conceiving, you should both be checked out by a doctor. Statistically, 40% of the time it's strictly her fault, and 40% of the times it's his!
• The longer it takes to conceive, the less likely it is to ever happen. Even with the miracles of medical science, it is still difficult for a woman over 40 to conceive. Those rare instances when you hear about a sixty year old giving birth are exactly that – rare.
• It can be emotionally devastating when it becomes apparent that the medical problems causing the infertility cannot be overcome.

We know that making a baby is a two-person operation, and that you too may be suffering emotionally from the experience. Nonetheless, this is one time when you must be strong, for the both of you.

• Your partner may feel as if she is somewhat 'less' than a woman due to the infertility. This may make her depressed and angry.

For yourself, eat well and get plenty of rest while you can, because once she's begins ovulating, it will be time for you to get down to Work!

A word of warning – don't bother telling her that you understand what she is going through. Even if you can truly empathize with her, she's not going to believe you and will only think that you are being insincere.

• Secondly, don't bother telling her that this happens to lots of women – which is true, one in seven couples suffers from a infertility problem.

• Look at it this way, if you were in bed together and the flag got stuck half-way up the mast, would you feel better if she patted you on the head and said, "Don't worry dear, this happens to lots of men"?

Try not to try so hard! Worrying over your fertility problems is not going to make them go away. In addition, too much worry can actually make you ill. So try to relax – it can't hurt, and you never know – it might help.

• You are going to get lots of advice. So much so that you may feel like screaming every time someone starts a sentence with, "When I was trying to get pregnant…" Unfortunately, there is no way to make them stop, so don't waste your time trying.

You are the vessel that will be carrying the baby, due to this, much of the attention related to conception will be focused on you. Try not to let it go to your head.

• Remember that your partner also has feelings and may be feeling stressed out, himself. He may feel that he is 'less' than a man because he cannot 'get you' pregnant.

Medically, you may be going through a lot of poking and prodding by the medical establishment. This may be a good time to reconsider if it is all worth it. If it is, grin and bear it. However, if it's not, cut your losses now and run!

• Don't feel that you have to keep trying just because you told everyone that you were attempting to get pregnant.

• You may not believe it, especially now that you are probably all doped up on hormones to increase egg production, but you can live a perfectly normal, healthy, and happy life without children.

• While it may be an anathema to say so, don’t forget that you can always adopt.

For many couples, the inability to conceive a child is almost like the death of one. This is because in a way, their dream has died. Most people, especially women, grow up with the idea forced down their throats that the only way they will ever be complete is if they have a child. When this does not happen, they feel that, on many levels, they are a failure

• Once a couple comes to the realization that they are not going to be able to make a child together, it is natural that they will grieve for the loss of their potential children.

• It may help to talk to someone about their grief, and any difficulties that it is causing to the couple's relationship.